Guys, I would like to welcome you to our new blog by revealing results of contest 'Send a Box of Shit for Free', which ended on November 30, 2014.
To be able to enter the contest, contestants had to answer a question: 'How would you punish someone?'
We received hundreds of responses, from which we picked the best 15 answers.
Congratulations to 3 winners:
I am going to contact them by email and I will personally pack the box of surprise for their beloved recipients.
Voilà, the list of 15 ways to punish someone, as we promised in the title:
15. I would plant spider eggs in their sofa cushions, along with spider food. EVIL
14. I will call all their utility companies and pretend I was the person I hated, and have the utilities turned off saying I am moving. And I would do it on Friday, and making sure Monday was a holiday so their would be screwed for a few days. MILD
13. I've always wanted to put Veet (hair remover) in someone's shampoo bottle. EVIL
12. Reprogram their cellphone contacts to switch their parents number with their significant other's number at the bar and wait for the drunken sexting to start. EMBARRASSING
11. I would happily drown her, but value my family too much so instead, poop in a box to the bitch! MILD
10. Drive over her car with my boyfriend's truck. I suppose shit in a box is more legal. EVIL
9. Buy a pick-locking set and learn how to pick locks just for the sake of breaking in to my enemies house. Then I'd turn every piece of furniture upside down exactly where it is and remove one leg from everything, steal one plug from every electronic, cut all underwear in half and leave one half, and steal one sock from every pair of socks before proceeding to cutting a big round hole in the centre of the back of all shirts. EVIL EFFORT
8. Threaten to cancel their life insurance. MILD INNOVATIVE
7. Move objects in their house repeatedly. Misplace important things and move the furniture to let them think they're going insane. Stop for a week or so and do it again. Cycle until they have to move or get committed. EVIL EFFORT
6. Become close friends with the subject in question and wait until they invite me over to watch a movie. I would find where they hide their snacks and look for something crème-filled and inject dog vomit into the treat with a syringe. EVIL EFFORT
5. I would send them a bottle of milk every day for a year until they just thought there was a mistake with the milkman; then one day I would paint the milk bottle white and fill it with shit. EVIL EFFORT INNOVATIVE
4. Let him watch CNN for 24 hours. EVIL INNOVATIVE
3. With Shitexpress, everyday for a few weeks. Then look them in the eyes and tell them it was me. INNOVATIVE WINNER
2. Junk mail catalogs everyday from non-existing stores with my face on all the models in it. EFFORT WINNER
1. The best way to punish a person is to post an embarrassing photo on a billboard on their commute to work. Perhaps you can post the photo along their route that they take daily travelling. EMBARRASSING EFFORT WINNER
If you have already noted all the ways of punishment you want to try, and if you have already posted a comment with your own way of punishment - I would like to invite you to stay with us; either by or by subscribing to our newsletter.
In a few days, we are going to publish interesting posts about our business - how did we start, how many fans do we have, what our goals are, and more... Read the best 'message for the recipient' and the funniest conversations from our customer support chat. Check out funny videos created by our fans and by press. Take advantage of new products, stickers, discounts and additional services. Discover how to start a similar business and how to get attention.
Thanks for reading our first post.
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Shit Quality Manager