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Holiday Calendar: The Best Days for a Terrible Gift

Apr 1, 2026 by Peter | 226 views

Use this yearly calendar to find the perfect excuse for a terrible gift. Birthdays can happen on any day, while the other occasions follow their traditional annual dates.

Occasion with date	Message idea
Birthdays — Any day	“Happy Birthday! Age is just a number. Unfortunately, this gift is very real.”
National Compliment Day — January 24	“You have an unforgettable personality. This seemed like the appropriate way to celebrate it.”
Send a Card to a Friend Day — February 7	“This is technically a card. It is just unusually three-dimensional.”
Valentine’s Day — February 14	“Roses are red, violets are blue. I had no idea what to send, so this seemed perfect for you.”
What If Cats and Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs Day — March 3	“Your pet knows what you did. We know where to send it.”
April Fools’ Day — April 1	“Happy April Fools’ Day. This is not a joke. The joke is what you’ll think when you open it.”
International Workers’ Day — May 1	“Thank you for your tireless contribution to meetings that could have been emails.”
Towel Day — May 25	“Always know where your towel is. Be less confident about this package.”
Go Skateboarding Day — June 21	“Stay balanced. Your sense of humor may not.”
International Joke Day — July 1	“I was going to tell you a joke, but then I sent you one instead.”
Tell a Joke Day — August 16	“Here is the punchline. The setup is your delivery address.”
Talk Like a Pirate Day — September 19	“Ye have been boarded. The treasure is disappointing.”
World Animal Day — October 4	“A gift inspired by nature, delivered by questionable human judgment.”
Halloween — October 31	“Something has been haunting your thoughts. Unfortunately, it has now been delivered.”
World Kindness Day — November 13	“You deserve a little kindness today. This is the best I could do.”
National Sock Day — December 4	“You were expecting socks. We decided to aim lower.”
Christmas — December 25	“Merry Christmas! Santa checked your list and decided you needed something more memorable.”
New Year’s Eve — December 31	“New year, same you. I thought you should have something familiar.”

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Your Shit Manager